I'm a full-time mummy

Today is 23rd April 2013... 7 years has gone since my dad passed away.

7 years ago, I get to hear with my own ears from dad, that Jesus is good. I get to hear this from a devout Buddhist, a good man who takes care of his family, a good father who makes sure that his wife and children (a son and a daughter) have everything they need in their lives.

I've been trying to tell dad about Jesus weeks before he passed away. One time, when he was ordered to stay in the hospital for a night, I told dad (after mum and my elder brother walked away) to pray to God if there is 'anything' disturbing him at night.

Being a Chinese, we folks tend to believe in ghosts and stuff, but since I became a Christian, I am not afraid of such evil spirits and I still remember telling dad clearly "Dad, if at night when you're sleeping and there is 'things' disturbing you, pray to your God. If your God can't help you, please try to call on Jesus name. Just try this as a last resort, OK?"

The next morning, when dad is back home, I heard my brother asking him whether there is any 'thing' disturbing him at night, to which my dad just brushed him off by saying no. After my brother left (he stayed at another place with his family), I went and asked my dad the same question.

Me: Pa, did anything disturb you at night yesterday?

Dad: Yes, you know my legs not straight because of the gout, so at night I was sleeping, felt something trying to pull my legs straight.

Me: Maybe the nurse doing that?

Dad: No. Couldn't be cos' the thing keep pulling even though I said "please stop pulling, my legs hurt".

Me: Then did you pray to your God?

Dad: I did.

Me: Did it help?

Dad: No. The thing still pulling my legs.

Me: Then did you call on Jesus name?

Dad: Yes. I said in my head 'Jesus, please help me. My legs hurt'.

(Praise God I'm hearing this, but trying to keep my excitement down)

Me: Then what happened?

Dad: Then that thing stopped pulling. I continued my sleep in peace.

Me: Wah! See, isn't it good?

Dad: Actually Jesus is good.
(Amen to that!)

You know, because of what my dad said "Actually Jesus is good" that I believed.

I believed my dad has put his faith in Him.
I believed when my dad passed away, he is up in heaven with Him.
I believed my dad is in a better place now, and no longer suffering.

I'm glad I'm able to kiss your forehead and tell you 'I love you' every time I wiped your head, face and body when you were bedridden.
I'm glad I'm able to tell you some of the bible stories (children version for easier understanding).
I'm glad I'm able to accompany you at night (even though it means I'm sleeping on the floor next to dad's bed)
I'm glad I'm around when you left us.
I'm glad God heard my prayers that everything be done according to His will, that you leave in peace and no longer need to endure any sufferings.

Dad, even though it has been 7 years now, I still reminisce the time we spent together. I wished I could do more things with and for you while you are still alive. I will always cherished and treasure our moments together. Take care of mum, and I hope to see you guys one day in heaven. Thank you dad for everything. Amen...

** John 1:12 (NIV) Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God

Oh boy... I never know this topic would spark such reactions from my FB page! Last Friday, I shared a conversation I had with my 4 years old boy about penis and vagina and right after I posted that conversation on my FB page, the comments (negative at first) started pouring in...

*** Btw, please note that I normally blog few days to 2 weeks in advance so the date and time on the screenshots you see in this post are captured earlier on 19th April 2013.

So, like I said, the first few comments pouring in were not so discouraging... in fact, some are saying that my 4 years old boy is too young to be knowing this and being taught about this. To be honest, I was shocked to read comments like these... 

You see, being a Chinese born and living in one of the Asian countries (Malaysia to be exact), we are not exactly taught to be so open-minded about the birds and the bees, about how we get our menses etc etc. When I first had my period at 13 years old, my late mum did not explain to me why I was suddenly bleeding down there (I was so scared I was dying but more scared to ask what's happening) and she just took out a sanitary pad and slapped it onto my panty and went on with her daily home routines. I found out bits and pieces about menses few months before from a primary school friend who had her period then but I do not know what to expect and how it would be. Until I got it myself.

So back to penis and vagina.

At first I was feeling down, reading those negative comments shooting me for teaching my boy all this stuff at such an early age (seriously how old should a child be to be taught these things?) and so I replied with this...

I almost wanted to delete the posting on my FB page but decided to write out my opinions on why I don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing... and then the supports poured in. Yay! Read on for more positive feedbacks...

I like the humorous side of this feedback:

And I appreciate and feel so touched by the support comments like these as well...

If you want to read more on what other mums think about being truthful and just teaching the facts about the correct naming terms for our body parts to our children, do feel free to hop over to my FB post and scroll through all the comments in the thread (** Note that the negative ones are way at the bottom as comment with replies and likes get pushed up on top).

I personally learned a few extra things that I have never even thought of (the importance of me teaching my children about this!) such as:

Seriously, I don't know about how the law is in Malaysia when it comes to child sexual abuse cases, but I never realised how important it is for our child to learn to name their body parts correctly until I started this FB post. Now, do know that it is very helpful and IMPORTANT for your children to know the names of their body parts as their statements will weigh more when they know the correct names of their body parts if they are victims of sexual abuse.

Imagine your child's case being dismissed because your child does not know how to pronounce his penis or her vagina using the right words. Will you as a judge believe a child who tells you 'This man touches my down part?' Which down part? What does it mean?

So, parents, remember it is VERY important to teach your child the names of their body parts correctly and not substitute them with baby words or etc etc.

Thank you again for all who left positive and encouraging comments in that humble (and really harmless) FB post of mine. Never had I imagined it would spark such reactions from my fans, on the bright side, I am happy to learn that many parents out there are on the same page as me and I pray and hope that more and more parents will come to a realisation that teaching our children (however young) the correct names for their body parts is NOTHING wrong and SHAMEFUL at all.

When I first got pregnant in late 2010, I panicked because my 2 years old boy was still nursing up to 4-5 times a day and ALWAYS before nap and bedtime. People around me keep telling me to quickly wean him off, else when he goes to nursery/daycare, he will have trouble then since he's used to my breasts. I also get people telling me that my breastmilk will be poisonous when I'm pregnant (old folks myth) so I actually started with reducing his nursing to before nap and bedtime.

What I did was, I replace the other feeding sessions with play and activities. We spend some time in the playroom, let him do some drawing or doodling, play his Lego, watch TV or iPad, anything to distract him from asking for his nen-nen (aka his breastmilk).

But honestly to tell you the truth, the only time I can rest during my tiring phase of pregnancy is when my boy nursed. I love that I can just lie down on bed with my bulging belly and let my boy suckle. I get my rest, he gets to nurse and comfort himself and we get to bond. Win-win situation, no?

I did however managed to cut down our feeding sessions to before afternoon naptime and bedtime but yes, I do occasionally let him nurse when he is fussy or having discomfort. I'm practising what we call the, 'Don't offer, don't refuse' method. You don't offer your child your breasts if he/she does not ask for it but you don't refuse him/her if he/she does ask for it.

In September 2011 when my girl came along, I had tandem nursing aversion for 1 month. I hated my boy so much when I got home from hospital with my baby girl. The moment my boy asked for his feed, I got so angry. Poor boy doesn't know why mummy is like that. Finally acknowledge I got problems in my head and tell my hubby and I even blogged about it. I felt a big relief after that cos it's all in my head and when my 2nd child is 1 month old, I got over the tandem nursing aversion and continued feeding both my kiddos. My boy, always before afternoon naptime and bedtime. My girl, on demand whenever she wants.

Slowly my boy will forget to ask for his feed when he sees me and my girl constantly nursing (I feed on demand) and sometimes when he asked for it, I will let him nurse. The last I asked him to suckle, he forgot how to do it. He was 45 mths old then ...

Now what I would suggest you to do if you are in the same situation, as in, you want to wean your child...

• I'd go for gentle weaning if possible. Gentle as in, letting your child lead his/her way.
  

• NEVER decide to wean when you are not in a happy mood. You might regret this decision later.
  

• Go Google more on the 'Don't offer, don't refuse' method. I personally feel this method is more peaceful and gentle.

• Slowly replace nursing time with other bonding activities to keep your child's mind off asking for feeds

• Get your partner to accompany your child before bedtime.

• You can do a count if you have to nurse your older child to sleep, probably count to 20 then tell him/her it's time to sleep.

• I also patted my boy's back and gently rubbed his back to sleep, until today he needs one of my hand to be on his body/face - something like a comfort pillow for him to sleep.
  

I breastfed my boy throughout my 2nd pregnancy, tandem him with my newborn girl for 1 year+ and finally weaned him at 45 mths old. Maybe a tad too long for some people but I believe in letting my child lead his way. I am currently preggy with our 3rd child and is still nursing my now 1.5 year old girl and doing the same method. I'll let my child decides when they are ready to stop.

I have a beautiful breastfeeding journey with my 4 years old Benjamin and would never trade anything for it. I hope to repeat the same thing with my 1.5 years old Alyson now and continue on tandem nursing her and our 3rd child later if possible.

Here's wishing you all the best in your decision making and I hope you will have a memorable breastfeeding journey that you can treasure with your child for a long long long time!