I'm a full-time mummy

With about 3 months more to go before I'm due to deliver Spicy Baby, I can't help but feel as if being pregnant with our 2nd child is tearing my heart apart...

I hope I don't come across as someone who hates being pregnant. I'm NOT! But I'm not exactly ga-ga over being pregnant either especially when the tiredness and exhaustion is making me cranky and stressed! Anyhoooo, the feeling is more towards the fear and worries on how can my heart be divided somemore to make room for the new person who is going to appear in our lives in less than 3 months time?

When I first found out I was pregnant, to be honest, I was (and still am) in a state of mourning. Not for the death of anyone (*touch wood*) but more to mourning over the soon to be lost 1 to 1 time with my 1st child.

Is this feeling much more worse for SAHMs? Is it because we are the one who's most often there with our child 24/7/365? Through the good and bad times? Through the frustrating, stressful, cheeky and happy moments?

I wondered if I am not a SAHM, would I feel better than what I'm feeling now? I mean, if I'm not a SAHM, I wouldn't have been spending most of my time and energy and strength all day long and bonded so close with one person. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so guilty and torn apart at the thought of another person coming into our family of 3 now?

I have a friend (she's expecting her 3rd child now) who told me when her 2nd child came along, her relationship with her 1st child is not so close anymore as she felt she needed to protect and bonded closer with the 2nd child seeing that the child is just a newborn and fragile and all.

I don't want to abandon Ben when Spicy Baby comes along but at the same time, I don't want to be neglecting Spicy Baby too. Hence, the feeling of my heart tearing apart...

I mean, just some personal questions to mummies with more than 1 child,

How do you feel when you found out you are pregnant with your 2nd child?

And how do you handle or deal with it?