Stop Taking Sides!

~ Posted on Friday, September 24, 2010 at 12:40 AM ~

I get annoyed with what my MIL does sometimes. Before you go on saying that I should respect the older folks and just be patience and let them say and do what they want, well, I did that. MANY TIMES. But it keeps coming. In fact, I think it made her feel braver to continue picking on me! Read: Jude 1:16 (NIV)

I'm so tired of being picked on. She just can't stop boasting about all the good traits in Ben are from her side of the family.

Don't you know it is a sin to do this? Read: James 3:5 (NIV), James 4:16 (NIV)

Whenever she noticed Ben misbehaving, I'll get to hear the famous sentence "Your hubby never does that when he's young. In fact, none of my 5 children does that too. Ben must have gotten the bad habit from you or your side of family". *Speechless*

Just today, she saw Ben banging his head on the floor (his usual habit of throwing tantrums) and of course, immediately this ensues:

MIL: "Is your dad a very hot tempered person?"


Me: "No"


MIL: "He doesn't throw tantrums or easily angered?"

Me: "No" (I have no recollections of my dad bursting in tantrums at all throughout my life)


MIL: "How about your mum?"

Me: "No" (Same case, my parents have got to be the most quiet and peaceful individuals you've ever seen!)


MIL: "Then your brother?"

Me: "Nope"


MIL: "Cannot be. Why is Ben banging his head on the floor? Look at his tantrums! My 5 kids never behaved like that when they were young so it definitely must be from your side of the family!"

Sigh... Why must the bad habits be from my family? And what gives her the right to say that? What makes her think she knows my family well enough to say that?

This is just so unfair!

(*Image taken from Google search)

Maybe it's easy for me to be blamed on since my parents are no longer around on this planet to help me defend and prove her wrong. But hello, she can't even remember what happened days ago, and yet she can remember what happened when all her 5 kids were young? Like ermmm... over 4 decades ago? The crappiest part is of course, the good traits are all from her side of the family.

And there's no mention about where Ben gets his quietness and reserved self, his generosity and his fast learning ability. All these traits which doesn't seem to be coming from her side of the family just wasn't mentioned at all. Don't even get me started about Ben's facial and body features. Which riles me up even more. Oh puh-lease get real...

But seriously, why compare and take sides? Read: 2 Corinthians 10:12

Regardless my side of family or her side of family,

aren't we all in the same side of the family now?

Shouldn't we be focusing on nurturing and loving the young ones and of course, showing good examples in our everyday actions instead of picking, comparing and boasting about all this? Read: 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)

Of course when I mentioned about how we should not be comparing or saying this or that is from yours or my family, she immediately changes the topic before I could counsel her longer. Sigh...

Have you experienced this before? What do you do if you're in my shoes?

Comments (23) -


I feel for you. I don't think your child's behavior has something to do with  the family traits.  Sometimes kids really does these things and there's nothing we can do.. Mine does some tantrums too but we never pinpoint fingers to whoever he gets it from..

I'm a full-time mummy

Hello chubskulit!
Thank you for your comment support! Wishing you a wonderful day ahead!


I'm sorry you're going through this.  Dealing with in-laws can be so tricky.  That's not cool that you and your side of family are being blamed for "something gone wrong".  Actually, Ben having a tantrum is not something gone wrong - every kids throws tantrums at some point, right?  Point is, she may have her own issues she's not happy with in her own life - and end up pointing fingers at others when she sees others do something 'wrong' to her.  I hope and pray you'll find ways to deal with her and shine the love of Christ to her.  

Have you thought about asking her a question in response to her questioning?  Such as, "What do you mean by that?"  Maybe you can try asking to find out why she's asking you...

Hope you have a great day!


...Sometimes that can help to turn attention away from whatever happened and onto the real issue behind the question.

You have an award waiting for you over at



Whew! I am glad my mother-in-laws never does that. However she loves to compare her knowledge of cooking with us. We would have pot luck every Saturday at her place. Certain dish that I cook that is too white for her she will ask if I had any dark soy sauce at home. When certain dish suppose to be a bit dark, she will tell me that consuming too much dark soy sauce are bad for health. Well guess they think that they are always right. One thing for sure, they do not exactly know that they had offended us. I will normally treat them like young children, with a lot of patience, and constantly remind myself, they do not really know what they are doing or saying even though they are all grown up. I always remind myself that when it comes to my turn to become a MIL I hope I will be a fun-to-be-with one. What ever your MIL says, just treat it like a joke and don't take things too seriously. That way you will feel much better. Hope you have a lovely day today and everyday.

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Jinnia!
Thank you for your comments and feedback. Now that you mentioned it, she does have some unhappy memories during her younger days (difficult childhood and also ill treated by her in law side last time).

Thank you again for your encouragement and the award!


This is called insecurity and the need to horde everything dear.


Jenny,i feel sorry for you...Sometimes my MIL treated me that way. You have to discuss it with your hubby...and talk to your MIL about that... I did that now we live happily ever after...I still remember what she say about Belle and all...Belle behave like that because i don't know how to take care of her and more harsh words but i talk to my hubby and we manage 2 solve it..

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Aries!

Oh, cooking! Yeap.. she does that but I leave her to that cos she does cook better than me, except when it comes to baking which she is not experienced in at all, but still she does try to pick on things every now and then, like how I should throw in some other dishes while I bake my muffins since we're using up the electricity anyway. *speechless* She thinks baking with oven is similar to me using the 3 tiered steamer (something which she doesn't know how to use yet)... can just throw in other foods to cook as well... 8P

And yeah, too much sauce, I hear something. Too little sauce I hear something.. sigh.. thanks for sharing your experience and feedback!

I'm a full-time mummy

Hello theHubby,
Need to horde everything... hmm.. even our son? . . . .

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Claire,
Thank God you and I have a supportive hubby! As for talking to MIL, nah... you have no idea how many times we tried talking sense to her. We just get the 'you don't respect elders', 'no matter what I said even though its wrong, you must still respect me and listen to me'.. speechless... Thanks for sharing your experience and feedback!

Catheryn  @ Pink Bibs

Your MIL sounds like a bitter person.  God have mercy on her. Sigh.  And God knows how patient and forgiving you have been all these while and so, give yourself a big pat on the shoulder.  Thank God too that your hubby understands the situation and is righteous about this.


I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Catheryn!
Hmmm... Oh, I do have my moments now and then... thanks to you too for listening to my grumble on MSN sometimes Laughing


Hi i am your newest follower from Friday Blog Hop..come on by and follow back Smile!


I'm a full-time mummy

Hi naomi!
Thanks for the follow. I've returned the favor. Hope to see you back in my blog sometime! Have a lovely weekend ahead! Smile


My inlaws regarded me as just an appendage of my husband, someone who happened to tag along.  They liked me and everything, but I have the same problem - all good behavior is from their side and bad behavior from my side.  It can drive you nuts, but over the years I've just learned to laugh.  Might as well find it funny because there's no way to stop it.  My father and mother in law are both deceased now, and my sister in law has continued!  My "baby" who is 18 looks like me, but his musical talents and intelligence comes from their side even though my family has those traits too.

I'm a full-time mummy

Hello Cassiopeia!

Wow! I almost felt like we're in the same boat! Thank you so much for sharing your feedback and thoughts on this. Have a lovely weekend!


Well, use those situations to train your patience, it's a virtue after all ;) It's her 'loss' and as long as she doesn't develop any negative behavior toward your child... Don't let her mess with your feelings Smile

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Vivienne!
Yes, yes, training my patience alright! And yeah, now that you mentioned it, I'm thankful that she's bonding well with Ben! Thank you for your sweet comment! Have a lovely weekend!


Hi jenny,

I get that most of the time. it was even the worse cases even compared to me. Like when Tri is getting so hyperctive then suddenly crying and all that crap, my ILs would say Tri got his crazy attitude from me (this by the way too harsh to listen in our native language).But what the heck, I always say whoever accuses someone of being crazy is crazier. Cheer up! Just like what most Filipino say on whatever bad comments you got "pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila" or "listen to the comments on one ear and let it escape on the other side".

God bless. You are the nicest girl I've ever known.

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Anne!
Hahaha.. Chinese have the similar saying too, one ear in, one ear out. Thank you for sharing your feedback and thoughts on this. Have a lovely day ahead!


Hi! I'm visiting from ifellowship!  i'm sorry that you are having to deal with quite a delicate situation.  in my experience (with my [u]mom[/u], not my mil!!!) i smile and respond with something positive - which is not always easy - and then change the subject. and there's something about killing them with kindness Smile  

if you have a chance, stop by and say hello!!

blessings - aurie

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Aurie,
Thank you for visiting and for sharing your thoughts on this!

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