Common Myths about SAHM

~ Posted on Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 12:09 AM ~

I was inspired to blog about the common myths (or perceptions) about SAHM after writing my post on "Footprints in the Sand" where I mentioned "one common perception by others is people think we became SAHM because we are rich and comfortable even with 1 less income to the family!"

So anyway, surfed around the Net and found more myths about us strange species of SAHM which stated that we are (myths in red, my feedback in blue)...

* Uneducated

My feedback: I may have only 1 year of Diploma in NCC (or what we called IT), but I have 9 years of working experience in IT line and as far as I know, before I quit my job to be a SAHM, I'm earning more than what some of the others (that I know) who got Degree or went to overseas for their studies. Yes, money or salary should not be the method to measure in this sense but if I'm not educated enough to learn what it takes in my IT line, then I wouldn't be getting that amount of salary before right?

 

* Throwing away their education

My feedback: Being a SAHM doesn't mean I'm throwing my education! In fact, I'm learning more things than ever! Cooking and making food for Ben, accounting for hubby's own business, etc etc...

 

* Not really working as they are not in a real paid job

My feedback: Oh? Says who? Does it mean that if you are in a REAL paid job, it means you are working? Does it mean that if you go to your office, sit there from 9 or 10 am until 5 or 6pm and gets your salary means you are really putting your ALL (as in heart and soul) into the job? For those of you who are having this perception, I'd like to invite you to do my work for a day. I'll PAY you and please let me know by the time you finish doing my SAHM not real-paid job if you're still sticking by this perception.

 

* Lucky to be wealthy to stay home

My feedback: Hey, I'm happy to even have a home to live in! Though I wish I was wealthy to begin with... than I don't have to wait until I get a baby to quit my job to be a SAHM! Being a SAHM means I have to give up my high paying job and stay home with my kid all the time! I hear this a lot from people around me. That we are wealthy and comfortable with 1 less income to the family. As if it doesn't hurt us at all for me to just quit my job anytime. I meantioned in my previous post that God is good, and He provides. Like what my previous pastor used to say, "God's will, God's bill!"

 

* Have the luxury of all this free time

My feedback: I wish... though friends and relatives might find me 'online' the whole day on Facebook and/or MSN, I'm mostly in and out and definitely not sitting in front of my computer the whole time. Whatever time I get to myself (always when Ben naps during daytime or when he goes to sleep at 10.30pm earliest) that's mostly the free time I get to myself. I don't even get to eat on time.. I might be having my breakfast at lunch time or having lunch at tea time... heck, it's good if I even get time to have any food!

 

* Not using their brains

My feedback: Unless you count having to think of what food to make, what activities to do with your toddler, etc etc as not using your brain, oh well, I'm not using my brain then... plus, I always blame my lack of intelligence is being caused by Ben suckling away all my brain cells through my breastmilk!

 

* Unproductive

My feedback: Uh? How much work do I have to do to be considered productive?

 

* Not using their gifts or talents

My feedback: I'd like to think my gifts or talents would be in my writing style but I'm not running for Ms. Malaysia or Mummy of the Year award, so what gifts or talents should I be displaying?

I love music, I listen to it almost whole day long and I'm glad Ben picks this up from me too (except for the super annoying repetitive Beatle's "I want to hold your hand" song), I'd love to see Ben picking up my passions in reading too one of this days!

 

* Not able to handle the many pressures that working mom’s encounter

My feedback: Oh believe me... I'd rather handle the multitasking part in my previous REAL PAID job than the ones as SAHM! I've been the acting IT head, database adminstrator, application adminstrator, web content developer, analyst programmer, project co-ordinator, application support, and many more (sometimes all at the same time) and all this cannot even be compare to what I'm facing in my daily life as a SAHM. My previous performance appraisals stated that I am very capable of multitasking and is a good person to depend on in critical situations.

But anyone who think we SAHM are not able to handle many pressures that working mom's encounter, please think again. Best still, try to get sick one day, and tell me whether you can rest at home or not. Some working moms I know who fell sick even wanted to leave their babies with their nanny or babysitter as they cannot handle taking care of the child while they are sick.

 

So please, don't think just because we are at home all the time, it means we are free / rich / got it easy / stupid / etc etc.

You have no idea what we are going through everyday.

Btw, if you are considering to be a SAHM, you can read my previous post in my old blog "Can You Afford to Stay Home?" on things to consider through and evaluate before deciding to be a SAHM.

Now, what other myths have you heard about SAHM?

Or what do you think of SAHM?

Posted By I'm a full-time mummy Awesome Comments (19)
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Comments (19) -

MieVee @ MummysReviews.com

What others think of me isn't important at all. When I see how well-rounded my boy is, I am glad to have given it all up in Singapore to deliver and take care of him in KL. I feel fortunate to have the choice to be an SAHM. Some women with huge financial responsibilities do not have this choice.

Thumbs up to all Mums -- whether SAHM or FTWM. Smile

Katie

I wish I had the privilege to be a SAHM to be with my kids more.  I miss so many things and often feel like my son is being raised by the daycare.  One day I hope to have that privilege.

But in saying it's a privilege - I certainly don't discount what work you do at home, nor do I envy your job for the "lack of work" some say it has.  I know what being a SAHM takes - and it's more than most working women can handle.

Kudos to you for the clarification here!  Rock on Girl!!! Smile

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi MieVee!
Of course, I'm not saying everyone should sacrifice and be a SAHM but there are some moms I know who said they have to work because they don't have enough money but then they did not mentioned the fact that they have maid(s), houses and/or cars to pay, their high living lifestyle, etc etc...

Of course, deep down, I believe every mothers want the best for their child and wanted to care for their child Laughing

Btw, I think our comments here are a bit off topic cos my primary topic I'm actually talking about are the myths of SAHM, unless you are commenting on the "Can You Afford to Stay Home?" post that I mentioned at the end of the post?

Thanks for your feedback anyway and yes, thumbs up for all mothers! Laughing

I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Katie!
Thank you for your feedback! Like I mentioned before, I believe every mothers want the best for their child and wanted to care for their child. Believe that you will one day have that privilege! Laughing

cheri

i have always received these same comments from people and i try to hide the fact that it irks me. no, i dont have all the time in the world. jackjack is at that phase that he wants an audience to everything he does, making it more challenging for me to finish housework. as for the me-time, why do they think i'm up in the wee hours of the morning to go online? because THIS IS THE ONLY FREE TIME i have.

Brook (Matt5verse6)

I hear you on this one.  I'm a stay at home mom because that is what works best for my children.  When I was working out of the home the kiddos (especially the older ones) had a hard time because I was not there for them.  It is a lot of hard work and I have received negative comments from well intended people.  But, the bottom line is, I'm going to do what is best for my children regardless of the opinion of others. Smile Wishing you all the best.

Kindest regards,
Brook
www.Matt5verse6.blogspot.com

Tiffany Lamb

First, I LOVE reading your blog. I connect with almost everything you write about.

Second, this is such a great post. I think all SAHM's have had at least one person say at least one of these things, myself certainly included.

It's nice to hear some fight back, and let me tell you, I needed this right now, I've been dealing with the pressures of SAHM life since having our second child two months ago and it's just always nice to feel the support of knowing other mommies have the feelings on the subject.

Joey

Hey Jenny,

Good article! It's sad to know how people quickly make judgements and look down on SAHMs, like as if child-rearing is the easiest job/easy way out. I especially like the "24/7/365 Never a day off. Only the strong can do it". It is so true.

And guess what? I'm joining the SAHM club by this October Laughing Reaching the decision was a difficult journey but I know it's going to be gratifying.  

I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Cheri!
Don't hide the facts, we have to educate and enlightened these people that they are getting wrong perceptions about us! Btw, glad to hear you're back online! Laughing

Hi Brook!
Thanks for your comment, appreciate it! SAHM rocks!

Hello Tiffany!
Oh wow! I'm so flattered that you love my blog! You just brightened up my day! Smile I wish you all the best in your SAHM life and hang in there!

Hey Joey!
Welcome welcome! Don't forget to join our very own SAHM club later!
(http://sahmclub.lefora.com/)

Twee Poppets

Hello! Thanks for tagging along this week at the Tuesday Tag-Along blog hop! I'm a follower of your blog! Smile

http://tweepoppets.blogspot.com

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Twee Poppets!
Thanks for the follow! I'm already your blog follower through GFC and Twitter! Laughing

Catheryn @ Pink Bibs

Jenny!!

I love you I love you I love you for this post!!! MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS!!!

I am so so glad you make it clear to those who perceives us SAHM as useless woman (yellow face woman in Cantonese to be exact) who just sit and rot at home while waiting for husband to bring some money home and we have whole day with our FB, MSN and our blogs while we let our baby roam the home with a wet buttock 24/7.

Thank u!!!

I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Catheryn!

Oh wow! Err.. thanks for the feedback and love! Hahahaha... Glad you enjoyed it and find it useful! I shared the link of this post in our SAHM forum club, just in case any mummies there happened to check it out.

You are welcome! Smile Thank you for making me feel good about posting it! It's comments like these that makes it worthwhile to blog about stuff! Laughing

Steph

Hi Jenny! I became a SAHM in January. I've gotten pressure to go back to work from my mom, who worked as a nurse until she was injured on the job and retired. But her reasons are different...there were people who to this day say she never worked in her life, and a man wondered out loud at a party what in the world she does all day. So she pressures me to look for work so that I won't get comments like these. The same people who said these things about her are probably saying the same things about me, now that I've quit my job (plus some other people too, like in-laws). I know people think I've wasted my career and others think couldn't cut it in the workplace. My boss, on my last day of work, kept saying "Enjoy your leisure life!" She is a mother of young children as well...I wanted to slap her after the fifth time. I am really trying not to judge her, but it's hard.

I could go on and on. But I wanted to tell you about this article too. It really summed up the internal struggles I have about being a SAHM. blissfullydomestic.com/.../sahm-i-am-ambition-and-identity

Jenny, I hope that no one has made rude comments towards you to prompt you to write this article, but thanks for writing it...I feel much less alone now!

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Steph!
I think for your case, quitting your job to be a SAHM to a twin girls is wayyyyyy not a leisure thing! I find it frustrating that people don't seem to try to understand our life as a SAHM and simply passes judgment that we're living an easy carefree life, that we are rich that's why we can afford to quit our job yada yada yada...

Thanks for sharing the article, I'll check it out right after this! Appreciate your comment btw! Laughing

Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life

I have worked a full time job in architecture, I have been a stay at home mommy, and now I work 2 days a week and the rest of the time I am SAHM.  I would have to say that being a SAHM is a hard job, I love it though!  I think they are all different in their own way, but I would not discount any of the positions! Smile  I think like you are showing many people just do not get the work that goes into being a SAHM.  

I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Cindy!

Thanks for your comment, appreciate it! It's good that you can still work 2 days a week and be a SAHM for the other days!

Dr Sarah

Full-time mummy:

I agree with most of what you've said here.  But the biggest myth I personally dislike about stay-at-home parents is the one you've unintentionally reinforced here - the myth that stay-at-home *parent* equates to stay-at-home *mother*.  That dismisses and excludes the work done by the many wonderful fathers like my husband who make sacrifices to stay at home with their children full-time, and, by perpetuating the myth that childcare is a woman's job and the choice of being a full-time at-home parent is one that falls exclusively to women, it actually reduces the number of people who will consider giving their children the benefit of a full-time parent.  So could we please have less talk about SAHMs and more talk about SAHPs?  I'd love to see an increased awareness of the fact that, when parents or parents-to-be talk about the possibility of someone staying at home full-time with the children, they don't have to start with any preconceptions about which parent it should be.

I'm a full-time mummy

Hello Dr. Sarah!
Thank you for your valuable feedback! Yes, I agree about the myth you mentioned, which is men can be a stay-at-home parent too! I personally do not know anyone in this situation although I do have a bloggy friend whose hubby is a SAHP. Thanks for highlighting this to us all! Smile

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