I'm a full-time mummy

It's now day 15 for my tandem nursing journey. Yeap, 14 excruciating days has passed and I'd like to think I'm beginning to see a tiny weeny bit of light at the end of my tandem nursing depression tunnel. My battle with the negative emotions and thoughts on tandem nursing a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old newborn.

Now that I'm mostly feeling positive-r (is there such a word?), I'd like to share out what goes on during the 14 days.

Firstly, tandem nursing does not make me tired. I don't tandem nurse the whole day, only about twice daily, prior to Ben's afternoon nap and bedtime. Yes, I do feel like a cow when I nursed both Ben and Alyson together but no, it doesn't make me tired. In fact, I think it is why I'm feeling much better. I don't want any of you guys to get the idea that tandem nursing is a horrible experience and must be avoided at all costs.

Anyway, back to what happened... during the initial days (as in day 2 post delivery) I got home with baby Alyson and when I had to nurse Ben for the first time after the baby comes, it hit me. The feeling of disgust and agitation is unspeakable. I felt like snapping at Ben, I felt angry at him for still wanting to nurse from me.

There are times I find myself withdrawing and avoiding Ben. I get all moody when it's time to nurse him (always before his afternoon nap and bedtime sleep which was the usual practise all the while even during my pregnancy)

Funny to think that before the baby comes, I was all clingy and sad at the thought of losing my 1 to 1 time with Ben and just few days after the baby arrives, I started hating my precious boy. HATE. Yes, I hated saying I hate my boy but it's the truth. I need to write this out to remind myself (when I read back this post from time to time) that it's stupid of me to be thinking this of my boy.

Poor Ben had no idea what happened to mummy and why mummy is acting all weird and moody and snapping at everything he does. Hubby came to my rescue by helping out as much as he can, distracting Ben when he wants to nurse from me (which we also found out later when Ben wants to nurse other than before his sleeping time, he wanted to nurse because he's hungry) and practically just spends more time with us whenever he can.

I searched around the net for tandem nursing reactions like mine and found out that it's a common thing experienced by tandem nursers during the initial stage. Oh my, I am not a weirdo alone, THANK GOD!

Some fellow bloggy friends shared their experiences and what they did to get through this difficult phase and I tried their tips and yeah, I think it's working so far...

So, back to day 14 now... I do feel moody once in a while but not so often anymore. I told myself if I can't make it, at least I tried. At least I gave it a good fight before I surrender. And looks like I'm still hanging in there...

I find that nursing Ben and Alyson both helps me distract myself from thinking of negative stuff. I also use that chance to teach Ben to handle and touch his baby sister gently and to protect and love her and that she's not a threat to him (in terms of my breastmilk) and it's so nice when both of them fell asleep together.

I want to express my deepest thanks to you guys who still drop by my blog and leaving me your sweet support, prayers and virtual hugs.

I want to thank Dionna for sharing her tips and Twittering me, Dulce Chale for sharing her experience, Mama J for sharing her tips and emailing me and Germaine (for referring me to Mama J)

I also want to thank my hubby for his continuous support and help in taking care of Ben, bringing him out for some daddy-son quality time while mummy rests at home with Alyson.

Thank you all again for your continuous support in me, my blog and everything that goes on in our life. I really appreciate it and hope to get over this obstacle soon. One step at a time...