I'm a full-time mummy

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning from children

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

As a full-time mummy of a going to be 2 years old in less than 2 months time toddler, I realised that throughout the years of my parenthood journey, I've learned a couple of lessons from my very own child. Yes, from my dear cheeky going to be 2 years old toddling toddler.

OK, enough of Ben's cheekiness for now... Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelt and follow me through this journey of what I've learned from Benjamin...

#1 : Getting him out (of me) is way easier than raising him up

Although I do get some glory for giving birth to Ben naturally in 4.5 hours time (from 1cm-10cm), I would have to repeat that childbirth is wayyyyyyyyyy easier than taking care and raising your child after you bring him/her into this world.

No matter how painful it might seem at the point of contractions (actually I didn't even realise I started mine until we were at the hospital getting ready to be admitted), no matter how deep and deathly tight your grips were on your dear hubby's hands as each contractions come and go, no matter how you felt like dying as you got ready to take a deep breath and push with all your might hoping it is going to be one to help your baby out, all those pains and tortures seems to vanish the moment your baby was placed with you after the birth.

And then the real journey began... how are we going to raise him up in this world? Are we equipped enough? Are we capable to do so? Are we qualified to be his parent?

Ben at 5 days old being weighed...

He's so tiny and helpless, can we protect him for as long as we live? Today, everything we are exposed to is full of temptations, influences. How are we going to ensure he knows which is right or wrong? Which is fair and just? Which is good or bad? And so, we toddle along with Ben as he grows up, hoping we are able to raise and nurture him to be a God fearing, God loving child. A child who does things that pleases Him. A child who brings example of Christian living. A child who brings joy to the lives of people who came into his life. A child who honors, respects and loves his parents.

#2 : Nothing beats the beautiful awesome sight of waking up next to your child

Ben at 4 days old sleeping next to mummy..

We co-sleep with Ben (still do!) and most of the time, I have the great honor of waking up next to my sleeping child who lies ever so peacefully, without a worry in his mind, without any trouble or sorrow or stress in his head. Just simply gazing at this awesome work of God is just so fascinating and breathtaking! Not to mention, priceless too!!

#3 : You cannot expect everything to be how you want them to be

Ben at 3 weeks old...

I have a few of the "What to Expect" books in my bookshelf. But I guess the moment you have your own child, you cannot expect everything to be how you wanted it to be. Life now revolves around them. Everything must be scheduled around them, before or after their nap time, before or after their feeding time so on and so forth. No matter how you scheduled and planned everything, you can only hope that everything will turn out all right.

#4 : Take everything with a pinch of salt, live life to the max!

Spilled water, soiled diapers, messy high chairs, unfinished meals, and all sorts of things which can frustrates a parent... all this should not be taken seriously. What I'm trying to say is, there is no need to get frustrated, to get angry or all worked up. Just take things one step at a time and enjoy every moment! This picture below, I will always cherish and remember its moment...

Ben at 3 months old...

Ben was about 3 months old, happily sitting on my lap when he suddenly jet sprayed his poop which spewed out from the back of his diaper right onto my front... my shorts, my blouse... I was just 2 weeks into being a SAHM, still getting the hang of being a full-time mummy and I was really impressed by my own reactions towards this incident. Instead of panicking, scolding, screaming or reacting negatively, I called out to my dear hubby to grab the camera and snap the shot. You might think it's gross or crazy for us to react this way, but it's moments like this that will not come by often, so, enjoy it!

Of course, there are lots and lots more lessons I learned from my child, and to think he's not even 2 years old yet!

Personally, I feel that the moment you become a parent, you realised you've got a whole lot more things you never know of and all of a sudden, it's like becoming a child all over again!

With that, I leave you with some inspiring parenting quotes to ponder on:

* It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  ~Joyce Maynard

* The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher.  ~Robert Brault

I read a blog post (I'm sorry but I couldn't find the post anymore no matter how hard I googled for it) a couple of years ago about this lady who prayed for her very very sick mother. Of how sad and heartbreaking for her to see her mother lying on the bed in pain. Of how she prays and prays for her mother to get well and yes, her mother did get well, but only for a while as not long after that, her mother fell more sick and in more pain before finally succumbing to her sickness. The post goes on with how the lady regretted and felt sad with her mother's passing. She realised that she should have prayed for God's will instead of hers. She thought of how God had planned for the way things are to be, only to be interrupted by her own prayers for her mother to get well, and eventually causing more sufferings to her mother.

When I first read this post, I asked myself how could God do this? And to her poor mother?  But after some serious thoughts on this, I realised something. You may disagree with what I'm going to say here.

I mean, think of it this way, if you know your beloved pet is going to die and you have no way to cure or heal it, what would you do?

Will you pray for it to have a swift and painless death? Or you would rather it just hangs on and you keep hoping for miracle and refusing to accept the fact that it's going to leave you?

Everytime something bad happens, the following came into my mind...

But we, as human, we think we have the power and the rights for things to be done our way.

We pray to God to spare the life of our loved ones, to heal them, to make them well again, to take the pain away, so on and so forth and we forgot about the part that everything is under the control of Him.

We think that God will listen and will answer our prayers. Of course God will answer our prayers! Read: Luke 11:10 (NIV)

But think again! Is it what God wanted? Is what YOU wanted, agreeable by Him? Read: Psalm 119:36 (NIV)

At this point now, you may say "Easy for you to say full-time mummy! You're not the one with the sick / dying / terribly in pain loved ones / friends / etc here!"

I will just like to tell you that it is not easy for me to say this but I did. Twice.

When my dad lies in the hospital bed drifting in and out of consciousness while the doctors are still struggling to find out what's wrong with him, I prayed for God's will.

When the nurses rushed in to resuscitate my dad as I stood outside his bed with my last memory of seeing the flat line on the heart rate monitor, I prayed for God's will.

When my mum lies in the hospital bed in so much pain that all I could hear was her troubled and difficult breathing through the oxygen mask, I prayed for God's will.

When the specialists stood next to my mum whispering to each other that her kidneys are still failing and that there's nothing much they can do, I prayed for God's will.

Despite how badly I needed to see my dad and my mum getting well and back on their feet again and for everything to return to the way it was, I prayed for God's will.

Despite how badly I wanted God to heal them and hoping that everything is going to be fine and dandy again, I prayed for God's will.

Read: Revelation 4:11 (NIV)

I pray that if it is their time to go, oh God please do it as swiftly and as painlessly as He possibly could.

I pray that if it is not their time yet, please God, let them get well again.

I pray that no matter what is the outcome, I trust that He knows what is right and what is best for ALL of us.

I trust and surrender to His will and will accept it no matter what is going to happen.

I told my dad and my mum I love them, I told them Jesus loves them and I told them to have faith and not to worry about us.

I am not asking for you guys to pray for God to end the lives of your loved ones just because you see them in pain and suffering. I am asking you guys to pray for His will. Forget about ours. You can pray for healing and everything, but remember to put God's will at the top most priority in your prayers. He knows what's best.

And please don't think that I want God to end my parent's lives. Just think, does it do anybody good if my parents end up suffering more (and longer) just because of my selfish need for them to get well and continue living and for everything to be a-oh-kay again instead of God's plan for them to move ahead and go up there and be with Him?

All I know is I am glad that my parents have got the chance to accept Him before they passed away.

I am glad that I'm able to tell them I love them and not to worry about me and the rest of us anymore.

I am glad and comforted that they are no longer in pain and suffering anymore.

I am glad that they are up there with Him.

So, please remember, pray for God's will to be done, not ours...

I just want to share a quote and lesson to you folks out there who are still in the working world on what to do when it's time to move on to another working place...

Last time, whenever I made a decision to move to another workplace, I always remind myself with the quote above. Even to my ex-colleagues or students (I used to teach a batch of students on programming in my first IT job), I told them never ever to burn bridges should they decide to leave and I always leave them this quote above.

You never know when you need help from your ex-company / colleagues and so on. I've always made it a point to maintain relationships with my previous companies. Granted, I may not have a lot of experiences in moving around companies, throughout my 9 years of working in IT line, I've only changed jobs 3 times.

Days ago, I received a Letter of Demand from one of my previous companies stating that I need to settle an X amount of money in lieu of my short notice of resigning from the company. I got the shock of my life as:

#1: I tendered the resignation in February 2008 and it has been over 2 years, and only now I get this letter?!

#2: I've already paid up the amount in lieu for the short notice before I left.

#3: I even have a photocopy of the cheque I issued to the company together with the HR manager's signature acknowledging that they have received my payment.

#4: As my BFF pointed out to me via MSN (I chatted with her on this issue), the company will not let me go had I not pay up the outstanding amount and they definitely will not release my last salary as well.

#5: I'm a full-time mummy now.. a SAHM.. how the heck am I going to pay that money? (Believe me,  at one point, I even thought of starting Ben on kneading and stamping out cookies dough and entertaining thoughts of selling cookies to pay off the amount)

So anyway, back to this case, I tried calling the HR staff to clarify the situation (and to point out that they indeed are making mistake) but I could only get to their voice mail. Frustrated, I asked for help in Facebook. I had a large number of ex-colleagues who are on Facebook as well, and true enough, within minutes, one of the section heads replied asking me what's wrong. I shared with her what happened, she even tried to contact the HR staff for me and soon, I managed to contact the HR staff and in the end, clarified the whole situation.

The case has been closed, the HR staff sent me an email (as black and white) to acknowledge that they have indeed received my money years ago and requested for me to ignore the demand letter. I could make a big issue out of it (after all the emotional stress and trauma they put me through, of having to dig through my boxes of paperworks and documents to find back the photocopy of my payment slip and all with an active and curious toddler around) but again, this quote came to mind.

So, dear friends who are still in the working world, when you are in a situation where you are / about to / have decided to make a switch to another place, do consider this quote. You never know, one day a helping hand will come back to guide you when you need it the most!